I Survived!

The first day of injections that is.  I gave myself Folli.stim this morning (piece of cake) and Rep.ronex  tonight (a bit more intimidating due to the mixing involved).  I had no hesitation poking myself and though the Rep.ronex burned quite a bit, it was really pretty simple.

One day down...9-11 to go!

Tomorrow and Wednesday I have to go to work early, so the Follistim pen will come with me.  A new adventure.

I think I can already feel activity in my ovary area...is that weird...is it too early?

New, Blue and Morning...Plus an Update

I am so far behind on Em's 30 day photo challenge.  Instead of boring you with a post completely of photos, to get caught up, I will instead post 2-3 pictures everyday from here on out (that day's photo plus one from the time I missed).

Day 16:  New

This is actually a very old piece of furniture -- it was my great grandparents (on my mom's side).  My mom and dad spent a lot of time refinishing it many years ago and then somehow it ended up in my Grams' house (on my dad's side).  We moved my Grams to assisted living several months ago, so are working on cleaning out her house so it can be rented.  This piece of furniture is NEW in our house.  I love it!

Day 10:  Morning

This is my morning routine...lots of supplements and vitamins.  Hopefully this is gonna help me create some stellar eggs (that turn into stellar embryos) over the next two weeks!

Day 11:  Blue

This is my favorite place to be at my Grams' house.  I'm gonna miss this when the house is rented/sold.  I've spent many a good hour on this swing with a good book, chatting with a cousin, or just enjoying the quiet.

This past Wednesday I finished off the birth control pills and started testosterone patches (vs. the gel I was using everyday).  Friday was my baseline ultrasound that should lots of resting follies, and learning how to use the meds.  Friday night my Repro.nex, Ov.idrel and Progeste.rone arrived from one mail order pharmacy.  As I opened it I realized though that they did not send me any syringes for the Repro.nex (which I start tomorrow) and the Progeste.rone.  Oops.  So I called yesterday and they will overnight them to me tomorrow, so I should have them hopefully in time for my evening Repro.nex injection.  Tomorrow I will have to check with a local pharmacy to see if they will give me just one syringe to get through tomorrow night.  My other meds, the Gani.relix and Follis.tim should arrive on Tuesday.  I actually star the Follis.tim tomorrow morning, but luckily my nurse at the clinic gave me a pen and cartridge to last me until then.  I never knew getting meds all lined up could be so terribly stressful.

I was so nervous for the appointment on Friday.  I know at anytime this whole thing could be derailed.  Pessimistic?  Not really -- just trying to be realistic.  I was happy to get the green light to start moving forward tomorrow.  At this point I'm just ready to get this show on the road.  My first ultrasound and lab will be on Friday and she said by then we have to have 5 follies that are 9mm or bigger to move forward.

So here's to some serious egg growing this week.  Cheers!

Out of Town

Out of town for a long weekend...back soon with more of Em's photo challenge.  Hope you are all well!

Photo Challenge Day 4

My heart is breaking tonight for Steph, who at her 9 week graduation ultrasound after her FET, found out there was no heartbeat.  Please say an extra prayer for her and her husband tonight!

Day Four:  School

I would be a full-time student if I could afford it.  Multiple times I have strongly considered going back to get my PhD, but the dissertation scares the living crap out of me.  Luckily, my employer offers tuition reimbursement, so last fall I was able to take a graduate class in Compensation & Benefits (the really big book in the picture).

I've also taught at local colleges as a part-time job since getting my Master's Degree 10 years ago.  This spring I decided to take a break from it and focus more time on other things (like becoming a mom).  I feel good about this decision, though I know I will miss it.

Photo Challenge Day Three: White

For some reason when it came to the prompt white, my mind kept coming back to snow.  Weird since it is 80 some degrees today...and I'm okay if the snow stays away for a long long time.

Day Three:  White

This is one of my most valued possessions.  This was my mom's piano.  When I was little she taught piano lessons to all of the neighborhood kids, and she played the piano and organ in church.  I never got to take lessons from her, but did for awhile in elementary school.  Unfortunately I gave up the lessons after about 6th grade when it wasn't cool anymore to play the piano.  After my mom died, my dad kept the piano for me, and it moved from house to house with him.  When I was in college and early adulthood, my dad lent the piano out to a family that had 5 boys, so they could learn to play. This is also the reason for the green marks on the keys.  I've never figured out what the green stuff is, but it won't come off.  When I moved into my first house at the age of 27, I finally got the piano.  Someday I think I will take some lessons as a way to honor my mom.  I love the thought of my child(ren) also learning to play.

Two Photos, My New Best Friend, and Recipes Needed

Happy 3 day weekend everyone!  I mentioned in my last post that I am doing Em's September photo-a-day challenge, so here are days 1 & 2.

Day One:  The Beginning

E is the first letter of my middle name.  (No, it's not J, as in JJ. That's just a nickname I had in high school) My middle name is my Grandma's first name.  My grandma is so important to me -- she is my only living grandparent, and is the one who took care of me and my siblings after my mom died (while my dad was at work).  She recently turned 94 and I hope she is still around in time to see our first child, and her 14th grandchild.  If we get pregnant through IVF, or any other way, and if the baby is a girl, she will be named after my grandma.

Day Two:  Fire

A few weeks ago I was part of an emergency drill in our community.  The drill was an airplane explosion and this is the plane fire simulator.  I have to admit, it was pretty cool.  All of the "victims" were on another part of the runway channeling our inner acting skills to play out our injuries.

__________

On Friday morning I went to my chiropractor, as I do every week or two.  While there, she asked where we were on things.  I told her we were getting ready to do IVF and she told me about a recent study she had read that showed that women who eat an avocado a day (or 4-5 avocados a week)  tripled their success rate of IVF.  Let me say that again.... TRIPLED their success rate of IVF.  So, I went and bought me some avocados before work.

Problem is, I don't like avocados.  Tonight I had some guacamole. My husband loves it, so I make it 1-2 times a week, but I usually don't eat any.  Well tonight I made it with two avocados, and split it with him, and I choked it down.

Tomorrow I am going to make some black bean, corn & avocado salad to take over to a barbecue.  After that, I've used up all of my tricks.  So I need recipes and ideas if I am going to eat 4-5 avocados a week (my new best friend)  for the next 4 - 5 weeks.  Please please please send me your ideas, recipes and favorite ways of eating avocados!  Thank you in advance!

"There's Powder on your Chest" and September Photo Challenge

First of all, I am going to join Em from Follow Every Rainbow in her September photo challenge -- I'm hoping it will help me pass the time as we get this IVF show on the road.  Visit her site and join us!

Today I showed up at work and someone stopped by my office to say good morning.  The next thing I know she says "you have some powder on your chest from when you put your make-up on."  As I looked down at my chest and rubbed gently, I wanted to say "Nope, not make-up powder, but leftover residue from the testosterone gel I had to rub into my chest/upper shoulder area this morning...duh!"

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

Note:  I wrote this post on Friday, but Blogger wouldn't let me post it...grrrrrr...
_________________

Welcome ICLW friends!  Here's a brief synopsis of our journey.  Been trying to conceive for almost 6 years, taking a very conservative path.  Slightly low sperm numbers, but didn't find anything else was wrong.  Did 3 IUIs -- all BFNs.  Did several months of Femara. On a natural cycle in 2010 we got pregnant and at 7 weeks miscarried.  Tried (and continue to use) lots of alternative/natural treatments including chiropractic, acupuncture, supplements and diet changes for me.  I lost some weight.  Still nothing.  This winter we received news that my numbers had changed for the worse and it looked like my egg reserve might be getting low (I don't put a lot of faith in numbers so have a hard time believing this).  Even though it was against everything we had ever said we would/wouldn't do, we decided to proceed with IVF.  Two days before the cycle was supposed to start my husband backed out.  I was heartbroken and we started couples counseling.  That was 3 months ago.  Fast forward to today...

I have some new friends awaiting me in my bathroom each morning when I wake up.

Today is cycle day 2 of our first, and most likely only IVF cycle.  The first three weeks are filled with birth control pills and testosterone gel -- 1/3 of one of these packets, which pretty much covers my upper arm and leaves a lovely white residue behind.  (I still find it ironic that after all these years of trying to get pregnant, I now have to take birth control pills).  It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and my emotions are in high high high gear!  I'm excited, I'm scared shitless, I'm full of worry, and on and on and on.  

Hubby actually suggested it about 10 days ago. I was having one of my meltdowns where "everything" was going badly in life, and I had been around one too many pregnant women that day.   He's not thrilled about doing it (at all), but knows how important it is to me that we give it a try, and I am so full of love for him for that.  Earlier this week we met with our counselor, finalized moving forward, talked with the clinic and started with this cycle.  I think it's good it happened quickly and I didn't have too much time to think about it!  And we've been talking recently about the fact that a baby could really come out of this and hubby gets all cute and excited -- he's been bringing up names, the fact he is against co-sleeping, and those sorts of things. (so while he says he is against IVF, I think deep down he is excited about the possibilities, but trying to stay level headed for me) 

Best case scenario:  The cycle goes smoothly and we get a take home baby (come June 2013) plus a frosty or two for good measure.  

Worst case scenarios:  The cycle gets cancelled, no embryos make it to transfer, or we get a BFN.  Because I am scared of the long-term effects of the medications on my body, I  feel strongly that this is our one and only chance at this.  If it doesn't work, we will need to find peace in being childless, or begin the adoption process.

I'm choosing to look at the best case scenarios and spend my time dreaming about that.  I just took a coaching class this week and one of the key components is staying in the present.  I am trying not think ahead to the injections, the retrieval and the transfer, but rather taking one day at a time.  The next 5 weeks are going to be a lot of relaxing, resting, yoga, meditation, eating healthy and generally just taking good care of myself. (If you have any book suggestions for me to fill my time...I'd love to hear them!) I know it is not going to be easy.  I know the hormones are going to be raging making me more of an emotional mess than usual.  I know my belly is going to be huge and sore.  But I really want to enjoy the process, stay positive and try not to complain.  

Because in the end, I pray it will be all worth it when I am holding my baby in my arms!  

Back Soon...

It's been a long time since I last posted.  I have a lot to say and yet, don't know how to say it all.  Still reading and following all of you.  I'll be back soon!

Currently

I'm titling this week "JJ and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood".  It's bad, truly.  I'm weepy, angry, grumpy, irritable, and so on.  


Because of this, I have borrowed the inspiration for this post from Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled.
Current Book(s) -- I have to do a presentation on Sunday for a group I volunteer with, so I am currently brushing up on "Strengths Based Leadership".  Otherwise, I just finished "My Name is Mary Sutter" for my book club at work.  I generally don't get into historical fiction, but this one was really good. 

Current Playlist -- I listen a lot to just the radio in the car.  Right now I really like "Somebody that I Used to Know".  I know it's a pretty negative/depressing song, but I find it really catchy.  I especially like this version.  Another song I've loved for a long time is "Blessings".  

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure -- Trashy magazines.  I bought several about the Katie/Tom fiasco.  (I can't believe I just admitted that!)  

Current Color -- For house stuff I'm really liking the yellow and gray combo.  Otherwise, purple is my general standby for everything else. 

Current Drink -- Huberts Mango Lemonade.  Trying to give up soda (again), and trying to push more water.  Wish me luck.  

Current Food -- Trader Joe's Caribbean Flo Joes (popsicles).  Lots of real fruit chunks in a yummy popsicle.  I seriously buy 4 or 5 boxes every time I go to TJs.

Current Favorite Show -- What Not to Wear

Current Wishlist -- Pregnancy with a take home baby 

Current Needs -- to spend time with my brother (he lives many states away and it has now been two years since I have seen him). Unfortunately plane tickets are running around $700.

Current Triumphs -- Last week I got to catch up with 4 friends I hadn't seen in over a year (not all together).  Sadly, just getting out of bed this week seems to be a pretty big triumph.   

Current Bane of my Existence -- Current bad/negative mood -- much of this comes from my upcoming birthday, which means another year is passing without a pregnancy or baby.  Also the frustration of not knowing what our next steps are/aren't.

Current Celebrity Crush -- Seriously can't think of one.

Current Indulgence -- Way too much time on Pinterest!

Current #1 Blessing -- Amazing family.  Having a 2 year-old goddaughter who asks for me everyday.   

Current Slang or Saying --  "What do you do?" (not as in what do you do for a career, but as in, in this situation, what else is there to do?"

Current Outfit -- Rocking the business casual at work, and shorts and tees at home.  It's just too darn hot to try to be too cute.  

Current Excitement -- My niece is home from overseas where she is a teacher.   

Current Mood -- See above.