Second Blog -- Please Join Me!

I've decided to start a second blog to focus on our pregnancy journey.  This new blog is the one I will be sharing with family and IRL friends.  I hope you will join me there, but completely understand if you don't.  The address is:  http://twinklelittlestar2013.blogspot.com/  Thanks to awesome Suzy for designing the blog for me! 

I will still be blogging on this blog too -- as the infertility journey does not end with that second line. (every time I feel cocky and think it does, I get slapped in the face shortly there after).  I'm learning this more and more everyday.  I will also be following all of you still from this site, as JJ.  

I hope everyone has an amazing and relaxing holiday with family and friends!  
JJ

Anyone Else? Updated

Sorry for this TMI...but has anyone else out there had a yeast infection during earlier pregnancy?  I was on an antibiotic last week for a cold, and so I'm pretty confident that is what this is.  I generally don't like the thought of taking meds, and especially am not a big fan during pregnancy (it took a week of being miserable, getting better and then worse, and my husband's urging to finally go on antibiotics).

I'm looking for some natural relief or things that have worked for others, but are safe during pregnancy.  So far I have done the apple cider vinegar bath thing (and even drank some diluted in water) and have gotten some relief (probably need to do for a few more days).  But I am open to other suggestions.

Thanks!

I gave in and called my doctor's office this morning and they suggested I use Monistat, which I will do, but I am also going to continue to do the apple cider vinegar baths and probiotics and hope that I don't have to do a full 7 days of the Monistat.  She assured me that there is no potential harm to the baby, so that makes me feel better.  I still hate the thought of taking the meds, but am pretty miserable with itching, so will give it a whirl.  I did ask about bacterial vaginosis, as I've had that within the last year, but she said my symptoms really sound yeast related.  I would have liked to go in for a test just to make sure, but at the same time, don't want to go in if not necessary.  I feel like I am the hypochondriac patient.  At least I have my screening ultrasound on Thursday, so if things aren't better by then, I can get it checked out in person.  

Advanced Maternal Age...and Other Random Thoughts

I had my first OB appointment today, and I was officially told I was of "advanced maternal age".  I knew it was coming, of course, being 37 and all, but it still stung a little.  Because of my "advanced maternal age" they had to offer me an amniocentesis or CVS (I think), which I politely declined.  There were several times I also heard "since you are over 35"...

The appointment went really well overall. I got to pee in a cup, have my breasts checked, have a pelvic exam and screening for a couple of STDs, answer a bazillion questions and heard what my schedule of appointments will be like for the next 6 months.  Oh, and I got to meet with one of their financial people to talk about costs and payments.  I was also presented with a reusable bag (seriously nice -- with a zipper) full of info from the two major hospitals in town (though they took the info on one of them out -- since I work at one of the hospitals, I will be delivering there), a BabiesRUs catalog, a list of OTC drugs I can take and much more.  To say the appointment was overwhelming would be an understatement.

I've lost 3 pounds since I was there a couple of weeks ago (I was afraid I had a yeast infection -- I didn't), even though I feel like I eat ALL.THE.TIME!  Best part -- the Doppler and hearing baby's heart beating at a lovely 166 bpm.  Next week we have our first trimester screening ultrasound and bloodwork and then won't have another ultrasound for about 8 weeks.  I've really gotten spoiled with the multiple ultrasounds from the REs office.

Other random things going on:

• I have a lovely cold/cough thing going on.  I finally gave in and went to the walk-in clinic yesterday when I could barely get out of bed and was coughing so hard I was gagging.  I'm on antibiotics and the mend now. I'm not good at being sick.  I'm not good at being patient.  It's been a long week (just ask my husband)
• Despite said cold, my smell sensor is working overtime.  I'm afraid of what it will be like when I can breathe again.  Tonight my husband made himself something for dinner and I seriously considered leaving the room.  I thought I was getting over the nausea thing, but tonight it came back with a vengeance.  I actually told my husband I wanted to puke just to feel better. 
• We joke that we haven't told our cat yet that he is going to be a "big brother".  This weekend we had friends over and I was cuddled up on the couch with their 5 week old son on my chest/tummy.  The cat sat on the coffee table and GLARED at me, and then climbed on the back of the couch -- something he doesn't normally do -- and laid there glaring at me.  This could be interesting.  
• This past week marked the 6 year mark of when I took my last birth control pill.  Six years on this journey has changed who I am today.  Infertility will ALWAYS be a part of me in both good and bad ways.  I think what I miss the most is my innocence with this pregnancy.  I worry about every little thing, and rejoice in every milestone passed (I actually wondered this past week -- and yes, I googled it -- if I could kill my baby by coughing so much).  Seriously -- some days I think I should be put in a padded room.  

On that note, I'm calling it a night.  

11 weeks

How far along?: 11 weeks

Size of Baby: 1/2 inches long -- about the size of a fig.

Baby Development: Your baby is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: My starting weight was between 130 and 135 fully clothed.  I haven't stepped on a scale this week, but my pants are getting tighter and tighter earlier in the day.  (belly bump pictures to start next week)

Gender: ??? 

Movement: Not for awhile

Stretchmarks: Not for awhile

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, but probably close.

Sleep:  Inconsistent.  Still going to bed early and waking up early.

What I miss:  Nothing so far

Cravings: Lots of really healthy things like fruity candy (Twizzlers, Skittles, gummy bears, Starbursts), chips and dip & fried things.  In addition, this week I've been craving burgers from Culvers and suddenly orange juice.  Still craving V8 and cottage cheese.
 

Aversions: Eggs, chicken, apples make me sick (but applesauce is fine).

Symptoms:  Hungry all the time, not sure who my chest belongs to, exhausted, smells are making me sick, and the nausea is less all the time and just comes in spurts now.  

Best Moment this Week: one more week in the books, feeling my pants get tighter, and coming to a serious realization that there is a baby actually growing inside of me (how cool is that?) 

Looking forward to: First OB appointment and telling more people our good news.  Saying goodbye to this cold.

Random Updates: I've had a crummy cold this week -- lots of coughing and sniffling, along with nearly losing my voice.  That's not been so much fun and has added to my exhaustion.  Strangely enough, my sense of smell has been stronger than ever, which frightens me with what it will be like once I can actually breathe.

10 weeks!

How far along?: 10 weeks 2 days

Size of Baby: a peanut or small strawberry (a little over an inch long and less than 1/4 of an ounce)

Baby Development: your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: My starting weight was between 130 and 135 fully clothed.  I am staying within that range, though the pants get much tighter by the end of the day.

Gender: ??? (and we aren't finding out)

Movement: Not for awhile

Stretchmarks: Not for awhile

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, though I just did some consignment shopping and online shopping.  Guessing maternity pants are in my future in the next couple of weeks. I've worn a few shirts/sweaters this week that I determined I shouldn't wear again until after the info is public.

Sleep:  Inconsistent.  Go to bed early and generally wake up in the middle of the night for an hour or two before going back to sleep.  Slept 11 hours on Thanksgiving night at my in-laws -- it was amazing!  Naps are pretty amazing too.

What I miss:  Nothing so far

Cravings: Lots of really healthy things like fruity candy (Twizzlers, Skittles, gummy bears, Starbursts), chips and dip, Kraft mac and cheese & fried things.  But also V8, milk, cottage cheese and carrots.  I feel like I have a traveling vending machine hidden in my purse for my constant hunger.
 

Aversions: Eggs (hard boiled are okay but otherwise no thank you), chicken is hit or miss, peanut butter and I have a love/hate relationship, apples make me sick.

Symptoms:  Hungry and nauseous all the time (though nausea is getting better), not sure who my chest belongs to, exhausted and my emotions have come out to play finally.

Best Moment this Week: Making it to double digits week-wise.  Telling my mother- and father-in-law about the pregnancy.  

Looking forward to: First OB appointment and telling more people our good news.  Transitioning to a new (ish) wardrobe.

Random Updates: I'm so thankful to have not thrown up yet (knock on wood), but will gladly take any symptom that comes my way as it means things are progressing.  The last 2 days I have had a sensation of lots of stretching in my abdomen.  I love it!

Emotional Days Part Two

I'm still here.  Baby and I are both doing well.  Baby is growing, growing, growing and we got to see his heartbeat again on Thursday at 8 weeks 6 days.  It was beating away at 168 and a sound I will never grow tired of hearing.  In fact, I videotaped it as my husband wasn't able to be there, so I have it on my phone and listen to it at least once a day.  (funny story -- I asked the nurse at the RE's office if I could videotape when she turned the heartbeat on and she said yes, but that they don't leave it on the heartbeat sound very long because it drains the energy.  I thought "really -- cause I haven't paid you thousands of dollars over the last several years to help with your energy bill?")  Anyway, I have graduated onto my OB, who I will see the first week of December.

My absence from blogging has partially been because I am exhausted.  Like in bed at 8:30 every night exhausted.  Hubby thinks I may be the most boring person on earth and he is likely right!  Unfortunately, early bed time equals early waking time when I usually move to the couch for a little reading and then hopefully a bit more sleep.  I'm generally nauseous and hungry at the same time -- so very hungry.  No puking yet which I am thankful for, but will gladly take.

The other reason for my absence is that my grandmother, my last remaining grandparent and a woman I adored, recently died.  She had been in the hospital and on the day of my first ultrasound, when I called my parents to tell them the good news, found out that the decision had been made to move her to hospice (which I am very grateful for).  I'm not going to go into details, but this has been such an emotional 3 weeks -- both happy and sad and full of memories.  I will say she stayed true to herself and stubborn to the very end, and I am so grateful for the few moments I was able to spend with just her, when I was able to tell her I was pregnant.  By then she was not conscious, but in my heart, I believe she understood.

My grandma had 4 children, 10 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and 15 great great grandchildren.  My dad, who wrote the obituary, wanted to say she had 14 great grandchildren...how sweet is that.  The church was half filled with just family who traveled in from all over the US.  May we all be so blessed and lucky!

I am planning to get back to blogging more frequently now...and am excited to reveal my new pregnancy blog to you sometime in the next couple of weeks.  Sending love to all of you, wherever you are in your journey!

Emotional Day

This afternoon hubby and I heard the most amazing sound in the world -- the sound of our baby's heart beating very strongly -- and I cried tears of joy!  We go back in two weeks and then will "graduate" to my OB/GYN.  Tomorrow I will be 7 weeks and Saturday I will be one day more pregnant than I have ever been.

Ultrasound Eve

Tomorrow is the day...our first ultrasound. I will be 6w6d. To say I'm freaked out is a bit of an understatement.  This two week wait has been brutal.  I just want to see a heartbeat and know everything is okay.  

This is where we found out we lost our first pregnancy. We never got to hear that lovely sound.  

I talked about this with my therapist yesterday, and we discussed how this pregnancy is already so different from last time.  Last time I spotted nearly non-stop.  This time I've been blessed with no spotting (knock on wood).  Last pregnancy my numbers were low.  This pregnancy they are very high.  Last pregnancy I just knew something was wrong.  This pregnancy really feels like we are going to have a baby in June.  For real.  

But this does not dull the fact that tomorrow I will walk into the same ultrasound room where two years ago at exactly 7 weeks we cried tears of sadness over our impending loss.  It's going to be hard and emotional.  But I truly believe that tomorrow we will cry tears of joy over whats to come.  My therapist told me I need to acknowledge the difficult thoughts and emotions, but be in the moment.  I'm going to try my hardest.  

I have no doubt that things are cooking down there.  So far for symptoms:

• Unbelievably sore and large breasts with big blue veins popping out.  Sometimes I look down and am shocked thinking "who's boobs are these"?  As someone who has never been well endowed, I'm enjoying the extra oomph!  
• Exhausted....as in I want to take a nap at my desk most days.  I'm generally in bed shortly after my 9 p.m. PIO shot, but my body seems to think I need to be wide awake again at 4, after peeing several times during the night.
• Bloating.  By the end of the day my pants feel tight.  One of my coworkers asked me yesterday if I was losing weight.  Ummmm, nope -- did you notice the tight pants?  Thank goodness for fall/winter clothing that I can camouflage my belly with.
• Nausea.  I'll take nausea when I wake up for $200 Alec.  Oh wait, morning sickness isn't just in the morning?  I haven't thrown up yet, but have been awfully close and have definitely wished I had so I would feel better.  I find I can't eat a lot at a time and some foods are just off limits.  

While these symptoms are annoying at times, I would not change them for anything because they help me know that something is happening down there, in my tummy.  I haven't had some of the usual early symptoms like peeing all the time & constipation (thanks to my daily probiotic).  

I'm working with the fabulous Suzy from Not a Fertile Myrtle to set up a new blog to keep all of my pregnancy info and share it with family and friends.  More details on that to come.  If anyone has a great idea for a new pregnancy blog name, I'm open to ideas.  My creativity is lacking these days!

Thank you ladies for all of your congratulations and words of encouragement!

Award

Thanks to Amanda for nominating me for the Liebster Award.  If you haven't already, go visit her blog and wish her lots of luck as she begins stims for IVF#2.  

The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, and nominated by fellow bloggers. Liebster is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. Better yet, to me it means “happy.”

So what do I do? Basically, I have a series of questions that I have to answer from the person that nominated me (I believe there’s a total of 11), and then in turn I have to nominate 11 others to continue on with the tradition. 

So here's the questions Amanda challenged me with:

1) If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you want to be and why? I would be a dill pickle not in the middle and not on the side of the jar, but snuggly in between.  

2) What is your favorite holiday?  I love both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We celebrate one of our niece's birthdays over Thanksgiving and I love the huge amounts of family time for Christmas.

3) If you have a bucket list, what is the most ridiculous thing on it?  I don't have a bucket list. :-(

4) If you could only watch one disney movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?  I'm not a big Disney fan, but I would have to say Beauty and the Beast -- I'm a sucker for love stories!

5) What is your favorite nursery rhyme? This Little Piggy -- who doesn't love the "wee wee wee all the way home"?

6) Do you have any pets? If no, why not?  We have a cat who looks like Garfield and acts like a dog.

7) Is your current hair color your natural hair color?  Not really, but it's grown out enough that the roots are seriously showing and the gray is coming in (why does it always come in on my part?).  But, since I'm in my first trimester, there will be no coloring anytime soon!

8) What do you like to do in your spare time?  Read, walk, spend time with family and friends, sleep

9) If you could be any crayon color, which would you choose to be? Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown because I like the name!

10) What is the furthest you have been away from home and where was it?  Australia -- as a foreign exchange student in high school

11) How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was a senior in college, so about 21.  It was a HUGE purple flip phone.  

Here's who I'm tagging (All awesome women and awesome blogs!):

Augusta @ All In One Basket

Mel @ Believe in Miracles

Hattie @ Between the Sheets

Cheryl @ Cheryl Looking Forward

Suzanna @ Desire to Mother

Kristen @ Keeping the Faith

Rebecca @ Life of an Army Wife

Kristina @ It's My Life

MN @ MN's Adventures After 40

Ali @ Not All Dreams are Free

L @ Tiny Bits of Hope

Here's your questions ladies:

1.  If you had a day all to yourself, with nothing to do, how would you spend it?

2. Are you left handed or right handed?

3.  What is your favorite time of day?  Why?

4.  What is your favorite color?

5.  If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you choose?

6.  What was the last thing you ate?

7.  What is your favorite drink (alcoholic or not)?

8.  What book could you read over and over again?

9.  What is your best feature?

10.  What was the best Halloween costume you had as a kid?

11.  What do you normally eat for breakfast?

The Results Are In...Beta News

I went in for my beta on Monday -- which was 12dp5dt or 17dpo.  I had been really calm through this whole process (very unlike me) until Sunday when I started to get  nervous about the blood test results.  We had decided we wouldn't test at home beforehand and the suspense was really getting to me.  I was feeling symptoms, but knew those could be caused by the progester.one.  I was actually a bit sad on Sunday night as my hubby gave me my progester.one shot as I kept thinking "what if this is the last one?"

Because of work commitments I couldn't go to the clinic until 10:30 for the blood draw. I was physically shaking by the time I got to the office.  I dressed in purple (for June baby -- my stepmom told me she was wearing purple Monday too!)  There was a bit of a wait as they were very busy, but I finally got in for the draw.  The phlebotomist asked me if I had a "lucky arm".  Um, no, just choose the one that is going to be the easiest and least painful.  I gave her my phone number and she told me Dr. C would call with the results before lunch.  I texted hubby and the waiting began.

Around 11:15 my cell phone rang and my stomach dropped. I contemplated living in denial and not answering it, but I answered and it was Dr. C on the line.  I had googled to see what a good hcg number was on 17dpo and found that it should be above 250.  Dr. C told me my hcg was 1200+ and to come back on Wednesday for a repeat draw.  I pretty much lost it then and am quite sure I told him I loved him.  Yeah, not sure I'm going to be able to face him again!  I asked about my progesterone level and he said he didn't have the number as it wasn't back yet.  He congratulated me and we hung up.  I called hubby right away and shared the news.  I told him that on 17dpo of my last pregnancy, my hcg level was 100, so 1200+ was pretty fantastic!

I decided then that I needed to buy things to pee on, but waited until after work to do so.

I went back on Wednesday and after an agonizing blood draw (apparently the vein in my left arm has decided to start rolling the last two times I've had blood drawn from it), headed back to work for another wait.  The phlebotomist apologized over and over for having to dig for the vein, but I told her I was so happy she could do just about anything to me and I wouldn't complain.  The call came from Dr. C while I was on my way to lunch with some co-workers (I was driving) so I couldn't right the hcg number down, but he told me it was 2300+ which made me happy.  It also made me happy he told me the next step is ultrasound in about 2 weeks (yay -- no more blood draws).  I had asked the lab tech when I was there what my progesterone was on Monday and she said it was above 80 (apparently they stop quantifying it at 80).

I've continued to confirm the pregnancy at home and I can tell you there is no better vision than to see the pregnant line come up BEFORE the control line and to see the word "pregnant" staring back at you.  It honestly feels surreal! I had a rough day at work today (it's been a very busy and long week) and tonight I came home and took a test just because I could.  "Hello, my name is JJ, and I am addicted to peeing on sticks."

We are cautiously optimistic about this.  I feel really great about the numbers, but know we have a long way to go.  I think for both of us to feel secure, we need to make it past the 7 week mark as that is when the miscarriage happened 2 years ago.  I know it is going to be very difficult for me to go into the ultrasound room in two weeks.

I'm feeling pretty good, a little nausea here and there, sore breasts, slight headache, some cramping/pulling and totally exhausted (as in going to bed by 9:30 every night after my PIO injection and sometimes napping before that).

I know this news can be difficult to hear when you are trying so hard to get pregnant, so I am considering creating a new  blog where I will write about the pregnancy and keeping this blog to still talk about the emotions of the whole fertility journey.  I would like to have a blog that IRL family and friends can follow eventually, without being privy to the whole "back story" that is included on this blog. We'll see.

Today I am 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant -- eeks!