October 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Tonight I take a break away from the excitement around this IVF cycle, to remember my butterfly born on October 7, 2010 at 7 weeks.  I was soooooooooo thrilled to find out I was pregnant after nearly 4 years of trying -- and on a natural cycle of all things.  My beta tripled in 48 hours and we were on cloud 9.  I spotted throughout the time I knew I was pregnant, and something in the back of my mind told me something was wrong, but my doctor convinced me it was completely normal.  On October 6, I remember leaving a meeting at work and thinking something didn't feel right, it felt like something shifted in my belly.  That night I started having heavy spotting and the next morning an ultrasound confirmed I was miscarrying.  We were devastated.  I will never forget the time I was pregnant, nor the miscarriage experience -- I remember it all in vivid detail.  I will never be the same as I was before my butterfly.

This community is full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness, BFPs and BFNs, and sadly, the loss of pregnancies and children.  Tonight I think of all of you who have angels in heaven.  It's a club noone wants to be a part of, but one that brings us closer together, even though we've never met face-to-face.

Tonight I am so thankful I found this community of wonderful, strong and supportive women.