Blessings

I was recently introduced to this song by Laura Story and can't get enough of it.  I think it speaks to everything that I am hoping for along this journey -- that among all of the tears, sleepless nights and lonliness, there are blessings waiting for me...whether on this journey or my heavenly one. 

I've been doubting God's presence in this journey recently, but that's another post all on it's own. 

I hope the lyrics to this bring you some peace in this bumpy IF journey as well...

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
http://www.lyricshall.com/lyrics/Laura+Story/Blessings/

And if you want to listen to the song, here's the link.  It's so beautiful! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGmKC34UZ68

CD 1 and an Unexpected Demon

I thought this might be the month.  In the previous two months I've been on Femara again, I've always started spotting on cycle day 26 or 27 with full bleeding by day 28 or 29.  This month I had nothing up until day 30, giving me lots of hope.  But I started spotting last night and continued today so guessing cycle day 1 (full flow) is gonna be tomorrow.  Hubby and I have decided to take a break this month from the Femara -- I just can't think it is healthy to be on it for more than 3 months in a row. I also don't like what it is doing to my period -- with this spotting then starting a couple of days later, making the whole process 8-9 days long.  Ugh... I guess that is the "hate to take drugs and wonder what they all do to my body" in me speaking.  I'm also hoping it will just take some of the pressure off for me as well this next month (self-imposed pressure). 

Of course, who knows?  When I was pregnant last year, I had similar spotting to this...so I'm not giving up hope quite yet. 

I'm dealing with a different demon right now, that is hitting me a lot harder than I ever expected it would.  You see, I turn 36 next month (how did that happen???).  My mom died when she was 36.  Now, I'm not expecting to die in this next year, but it's still making me crazy emotional (and I just don't need to add Femara craziness to that as well next month -- that drug makes me super emotional!). 

It's a busy week, so it's goodnight for tonight.  I hope to get into a better habit of blogging this next month as well.