CD 1 and an Unexpected Demon

I thought this might be the month.  In the previous two months I've been on Femara again, I've always started spotting on cycle day 26 or 27 with full bleeding by day 28 or 29.  This month I had nothing up until day 30, giving me lots of hope.  But I started spotting last night and continued today so guessing cycle day 1 (full flow) is gonna be tomorrow.  Hubby and I have decided to take a break this month from the Femara -- I just can't think it is healthy to be on it for more than 3 months in a row. I also don't like what it is doing to my period -- with this spotting then starting a couple of days later, making the whole process 8-9 days long.  Ugh... I guess that is the "hate to take drugs and wonder what they all do to my body" in me speaking.  I'm also hoping it will just take some of the pressure off for me as well this next month (self-imposed pressure). 

Of course, who knows?  When I was pregnant last year, I had similar spotting to this...so I'm not giving up hope quite yet. 

I'm dealing with a different demon right now, that is hitting me a lot harder than I ever expected it would.  You see, I turn 36 next month (how did that happen???).  My mom died when she was 36.  Now, I'm not expecting to die in this next year, but it's still making me crazy emotional (and I just don't need to add Femara craziness to that as well next month -- that drug makes me super emotional!). 

It's a busy week, so it's goodnight for tonight.  I hope to get into a better habit of blogging this next month as well. 


  1. I hope the spotting doesn't turn into AF and it means you are pregnant. Fingers and toes crossed for you! I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this, as well as the emotions regarding your mom. Infertility is such a rollercoaster of emotions, and the fertility drugs mess with our hormones even more. What you are feeling is normal and valid. (Hugs) I'm always more depressed than usual at the end of my cycle, and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times. I hope you get some good news soon=)

  2. I'm sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. This has to be a rough year for you. "Enjoy" the month off, sometimes those help both mind and body more than you know!

  3. Thanks ladies for your kind thoughts!

  4. I have popped over from Lost and Found and want you to know you aren't alone with that demon. My mum died from breast cancer at age 43 and although I have a fair while to go before I turn 43 (I'm 29) I continually worry that I will follow the same fate as I am well aware that breast cancer can be genetic and often appears in each case younger than the first and she was diagnosed at 41. It's scary but normal to feel that way. (((BIG HUGS))) I agree that dealing with infertility without the support of your mum makes things even harder. Good luck to you!

  5. I lost my Dad last year, unexpectedly, at the age of 52. He was hiking with a group on a trail that was not really a trail and lost his footing. He fell 200 feet to his death. I miss him so much and I hate that he won't be here to see my (someday) baby(ies). I am sure this year was really tough for you. I can't imagine losing my mom at such an early age... :( I will keep you in my prayers.


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