7 Things...

Much thanks to MelodyT and Ali for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award and the Lovely Blogger Award, respectively.  Both awards have the same rules, so here we go...  

Here are the rules:

- Nominate 15 fellow bloggers who are reletively new to blogging.

- Let them  know you have nominated them.

- Share seven random facts about yourself.

- Thank the bloggers that have nominated you.

- Add the Versatile Blogger Award picture to your blog post.

1.  I'm in a career I never thought I would be in and I love it!  I had always intended to go to grad school and get my PhD so I could teach full-time.  A few years ago I had the opportunity to teach full-time and decided after the full-day interview that it wasn't for me.  Glad I didn't spend the money on the PhD, though I love learning, so would still like to take the classes, but not do the research.
2.  I have lived in Australia for 9 months of my life.  I was an exchange student in high school and then went back for a short time in college.  I so want to take my husband there to let him and my Australian host family meet.  
3.  I am horrible at the names, artists, etc and what songs they sing.  I generally don't care.  I just know what I like and don't like.  My brother knows every song, who sang it and what year it came out. It's annoying.
4.  My step sister and I were best friends in high school and set our parents up.  They are still together 17 years later.
5.  I am very claustrophobic.  I can't even watch movies like Apollo 13 because I truly want to hurl.
6.  As of my last birthday, I'm officially older than my mom was when she died.  It's really hard for me to think about that.  
7.  A few years ago I did the 3 day - 60 mile walk to benefit the Komen Foundation.  Life changing experience!  We ended up walking nearly 70 miles...every step!

I'll have to come back later to nominate the 15 other bloggers...as it is time for bed!  


Don't Ignore...How You Feel

I'm a little bit late with this post...last week was Infertility Awareness Week, but I was just off last week.  I can't really explain it other than I was tired, didn't feel like doing anything, and wasn't up to posting...

Last week I was invited to attend the inaugural meeting of an infertility peer group.  I live just outside a state capital and have been sorely disappointed for years that there was nothing of this sort in the community.  A friend of mine (who recently had her baby through IVF) invited me to a group her chiropractor was starting.  It was a lovely gathering of 5 women (plus the chiropractor) who were all on different paths and places in this journey.  It was great just to talk and have feelings validated and feel open.

What I found unusual is that I am a highly emotional person.  I cry at the drop of a hat.  In fact, last week I had tears come to my eyes when I heard of some things going on with people around me.  As I sat in this circle of women struggling with the ups and downs of infertility, I noticed that many of them got very emotional and cried.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't.  As I told my story, I was just matter of fact.

Sadly, I feel like this infertility journey has taken some of the emotion away from me.  I feel hardened by it all.  Like, what is the point of crying anymore?  It's frustrating because sometimes I think I would feel much less stressed if I could just cry it out, scream and shout.

I've been on anti-depressants for many years now, but have never found one that makes me truly feel "normal". In the last 6 months I have started on Zoloft and have felt pretty good, but am now wondering if it has a role in taking my emotions away...


On another note, I am on cycle day 26.  I'm a 27 - 30 day cycle girl mostly.  I don't have any symptoms yet except EXTREMELY SORE BOOBS!  Like I want to die when I touch them (okay that might be a bit dramatic).  Usually my boobs start to get sore about 4-5 days before my period starts, but this month, they have been extremely sore since 6dpo.  When I mentioned this to my acupuncturist on Thursday night, she also stated I have a "slippery pulse".  Then she told me to not get my hopes up, but this might mean something.  When I went to schedule another appointment she looked at me and said "let me know what you find out this week (whether I get my period or not) and then we will go forward from there.  Then she crossed her fingers and gave me a huge smile.  So, I am obsessively googling "slippery pulse" and compulsively checking everytime I wipe (sometimes wiping just to check -- sorry TMI).

I truly hate these last few days of the cycle.  I've been down this road so many times before wondering and wishing I was pregnant only to be fooled again.  If af is going to show up, I wish she would just do it so I could get start on the bcps for IVF.


Giuliana and Bill?

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote last.  We've been out of town for a little vacation, so I am working hard to get caught up on everyone's blogs.  

Last week I went out for lunch with my best friend.  During that time, I told her we were going to do IVF.  She has been so incredibly supportive through all of this -- in fact she called me the day of my miscarriage (she didn't even know we were pregnant) just because she "felt like she needed to."  Anyway, she had several questions and stated that the only thing she knew about IVF was from watching Giuliana and Bill.  

I had never watched Giuliana and Bill.  But I remembered that they had recently been in the news when she was diagnosed with breast cancer during a pre-IVF mammogram.  I had been intrigued in their story, but hadn't dug any deeper.

Since I had a lengthy airplane trip coming up, I decided to download seasons 2 & 3 to my iPad.  And I watched several episodes over the flights.  All  I can say is -- good for them, for allowing the media into their very private life and experiences.  There is NO way I would let anyone document this journey for others to see.  

I can't wait to watch more episodes.  I feel like I can really relate to what they are doing.  Sure, they have pretty unlimited resources available to them, and they seem pretty naive about the whole infertility testing, processes, etc, but so was I 5 years ago...

Any of you watch this show?  What are your thoughts?


Oh I've Missed You...A Confession

Today is CD 1.  The good news is in about 28 days we will be off and running on our first and hopefully only IVF cycle.  The bad news is there is only one more month to conceive a "miracle IVF baby".

Ever since we decided to do IVF about 2 months ago, I have been trying to be as healthy as possible.  I'm trying to stress less, go to acupuncture, go to my chiropractor, meditate, etc.   I've also cut down on excess sugar, eat limited dairy and carbs, and have cut out caffeine.  I try to eat one dark leafy green salad each day.  And so far, other than an occasional weak moment of needing french fries, I've done overall pretty good.

The hardest thing to give up for me has been Diet Mountain Dew.  I never have drank a lot of it -- 20 oz or less each day, but I had some everyday.  It's been 5 weeks and 3 days since my last Diet Mt. Dew, or any pop for that matter (do you find it funny that because of IF, we count our weeks and days this way?).  And I still crave it EVERYday.  It's not the caffeine, but the taste.  I struggle with sticking to water, but I want a baby, and will do whatever I have to.

So onto the confession part...I gave in tonight.  I've had part of a bottle of Diet Mt. Dew.  It's been a bit of a rough week so far.  Hubby has been gone a lot lately for work, and when he was home earlier this week we had a fight about...yep...IVF/IF.  Work has been super crazy.  My emotions are frazzled and I am tired all of the time.  Oh, and did I mention that it is CD 1 today?

So I gave in.  And I'm frustrated with myself.  I know it's silly to upset about something so trivial, but it makes me mad I gave in.  That I didn't have the willpower to make it 5 weeks and 4 days.

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