"There's Powder on your Chest" and September Photo Challenge

First of all, I am going to join Em from Follow Every Rainbow in her September photo challenge -- I'm hoping it will help me pass the time as we get this IVF show on the road.  Visit her site and join us!

Today I showed up at work and someone stopped by my office to say good morning.  The next thing I know she says "you have some powder on your chest from when you put your make-up on."  As I looked down at my chest and rubbed gently, I wanted to say "Nope, not make-up powder, but leftover residue from the testosterone gel I had to rub into my chest/upper shoulder area this morning...duh!"


We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

Note:  I wrote this post on Friday, but Blogger wouldn't let me post it...grrrrrr...

Welcome ICLW friends!  Here's a brief synopsis of our journey.  Been trying to conceive for almost 6 years, taking a very conservative path.  Slightly low sperm numbers, but didn't find anything else was wrong.  Did 3 IUIs -- all BFNs.  Did several months of Femara. On a natural cycle in 2010 we got pregnant and at 7 weeks miscarried.  Tried (and continue to use) lots of alternative/natural treatments including chiropractic, acupuncture, supplements and diet changes for me.  I lost some weight.  Still nothing.  This winter we received news that my numbers had changed for the worse and it looked like my egg reserve might be getting low (I don't put a lot of faith in numbers so have a hard time believing this).  Even though it was against everything we had ever said we would/wouldn't do, we decided to proceed with IVF.  Two days before the cycle was supposed to start my husband backed out.  I was heartbroken and we started couples counseling.  That was 3 months ago.  Fast forward to today...

I have some new friends awaiting me in my bathroom each morning when I wake up.

Today is cycle day 2 of our first, and most likely only IVF cycle.  The first three weeks are filled with birth control pills and testosterone gel -- 1/3 of one of these packets, which pretty much covers my upper arm and leaves a lovely white residue behind.  (I still find it ironic that after all these years of trying to get pregnant, I now have to take birth control pills).  It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and my emotions are in high high high gear!  I'm excited, I'm scared shitless, I'm full of worry, and on and on and on.  

Hubby actually suggested it about 10 days ago. I was having one of my meltdowns where "everything" was going badly in life, and I had been around one too many pregnant women that day.   He's not thrilled about doing it (at all), but knows how important it is to me that we give it a try, and I am so full of love for him for that.  Earlier this week we met with our counselor, finalized moving forward, talked with the clinic and started with this cycle.  I think it's good it happened quickly and I didn't have too much time to think about it!  And we've been talking recently about the fact that a baby could really come out of this and hubby gets all cute and excited -- he's been bringing up names, the fact he is against co-sleeping, and those sorts of things. (so while he says he is against IVF, I think deep down he is excited about the possibilities, but trying to stay level headed for me) 

Best case scenario:  The cycle goes smoothly and we get a take home baby (come June 2013) plus a frosty or two for good measure.  

Worst case scenarios:  The cycle gets cancelled, no embryos make it to transfer, or we get a BFN.  Because I am scared of the long-term effects of the medications on my body, I  feel strongly that this is our one and only chance at this.  If it doesn't work, we will need to find peace in being childless, or begin the adoption process.

I'm choosing to look at the best case scenarios and spend my time dreaming about that.  I just took a coaching class this week and one of the key components is staying in the present.  I am trying not think ahead to the injections, the retrieval and the transfer, but rather taking one day at a time.  The next 5 weeks are going to be a lot of relaxing, resting, yoga, meditation, eating healthy and generally just taking good care of myself. (If you have any book suggestions for me to fill my time...I'd love to hear them!) I know it is not going to be easy.  I know the hormones are going to be raging making me more of an emotional mess than usual.  I know my belly is going to be huge and sore.  But I really want to enjoy the process, stay positive and try not to complain.  

Because in the end, I pray it will be all worth it when I am holding my baby in my arms!  


Back Soon...

It's been a long time since I last posted.  I have a lot to say and yet, don't know how to say it all.  Still reading and following all of you.  I'll be back soon!



I'm titling this week "JJ and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood".  It's bad, truly.  I'm weepy, angry, grumpy, irritable, and so on.  

Because of this, I have borrowed the inspiration for this post from Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled.
Current Book(s) -- I have to do a presentation on Sunday for a group I volunteer with, so I am currently brushing up on "Strengths Based Leadership".  Otherwise, I just finished "My Name is Mary Sutter" for my book club at work.  I generally don't get into historical fiction, but this one was really good. 

Current Playlist -- I listen a lot to just the radio in the car.  Right now I really like "Somebody that I Used to Know".  I know it's a pretty negative/depressing song, but I find it really catchy.  I especially like this version.  Another song I've loved for a long time is "Blessings".  

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure -- Trashy magazines.  I bought several about the Katie/Tom fiasco.  (I can't believe I just admitted that!)  

Current Color -- For house stuff I'm really liking the yellow and gray combo.  Otherwise, purple is my general standby for everything else. 

Current Drink -- Huberts Mango Lemonade.  Trying to give up soda (again), and trying to push more water.  Wish me luck.  

Current Food -- Trader Joe's Caribbean Flo Joes (popsicles).  Lots of real fruit chunks in a yummy popsicle.  I seriously buy 4 or 5 boxes every time I go to TJs.

Current Favorite Show -- What Not to Wear

Current Wishlist -- Pregnancy with a take home baby 

Current Needs -- to spend time with my brother (he lives many states away and it has now been two years since I have seen him). Unfortunately plane tickets are running around $700.

Current Triumphs -- Last week I got to catch up with 4 friends I hadn't seen in over a year (not all together).  Sadly, just getting out of bed this week seems to be a pretty big triumph.   

Current Bane of my Existence -- Current bad/negative mood -- much of this comes from my upcoming birthday, which means another year is passing without a pregnancy or baby.  Also the frustration of not knowing what our next steps are/aren't.

Current Celebrity Crush -- Seriously can't think of one.

Current Indulgence -- Way too much time on Pinterest!

Current #1 Blessing -- Amazing family.  Having a 2 year-old goddaughter who asks for me everyday.   

Current Slang or Saying --  "What do you do?" (not as in what do you do for a career, but as in, in this situation, what else is there to do?"

Current Outfit -- Rocking the business casual at work, and shorts and tees at home.  It's just too darn hot to try to be too cute.  

Current Excitement -- My niece is home from overseas where she is a teacher.   

Current Mood -- See above. 

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