We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

Note:  I wrote this post on Friday, but Blogger wouldn't let me post it...grrrrrr...

Welcome ICLW friends!  Here's a brief synopsis of our journey.  Been trying to conceive for almost 6 years, taking a very conservative path.  Slightly low sperm numbers, but didn't find anything else was wrong.  Did 3 IUIs -- all BFNs.  Did several months of Femara. On a natural cycle in 2010 we got pregnant and at 7 weeks miscarried.  Tried (and continue to use) lots of alternative/natural treatments including chiropractic, acupuncture, supplements and diet changes for me.  I lost some weight.  Still nothing.  This winter we received news that my numbers had changed for the worse and it looked like my egg reserve might be getting low (I don't put a lot of faith in numbers so have a hard time believing this).  Even though it was against everything we had ever said we would/wouldn't do, we decided to proceed with IVF.  Two days before the cycle was supposed to start my husband backed out.  I was heartbroken and we started couples counseling.  That was 3 months ago.  Fast forward to today...

I have some new friends awaiting me in my bathroom each morning when I wake up.

Today is cycle day 2 of our first, and most likely only IVF cycle.  The first three weeks are filled with birth control pills and testosterone gel -- 1/3 of one of these packets, which pretty much covers my upper arm and leaves a lovely white residue behind.  (I still find it ironic that after all these years of trying to get pregnant, I now have to take birth control pills).  It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks and my emotions are in high high high gear!  I'm excited, I'm scared shitless, I'm full of worry, and on and on and on.  

Hubby actually suggested it about 10 days ago. I was having one of my meltdowns where "everything" was going badly in life, and I had been around one too many pregnant women that day.   He's not thrilled about doing it (at all), but knows how important it is to me that we give it a try, and I am so full of love for him for that.  Earlier this week we met with our counselor, finalized moving forward, talked with the clinic and started with this cycle.  I think it's good it happened quickly and I didn't have too much time to think about it!  And we've been talking recently about the fact that a baby could really come out of this and hubby gets all cute and excited -- he's been bringing up names, the fact he is against co-sleeping, and those sorts of things. (so while he says he is against IVF, I think deep down he is excited about the possibilities, but trying to stay level headed for me) 

Best case scenario:  The cycle goes smoothly and we get a take home baby (come June 2013) plus a frosty or two for good measure.  

Worst case scenarios:  The cycle gets cancelled, no embryos make it to transfer, or we get a BFN.  Because I am scared of the long-term effects of the medications on my body, I  feel strongly that this is our one and only chance at this.  If it doesn't work, we will need to find peace in being childless, or begin the adoption process.

I'm choosing to look at the best case scenarios and spend my time dreaming about that.  I just took a coaching class this week and one of the key components is staying in the present.  I am trying not think ahead to the injections, the retrieval and the transfer, but rather taking one day at a time.  The next 5 weeks are going to be a lot of relaxing, resting, yoga, meditation, eating healthy and generally just taking good care of myself. (If you have any book suggestions for me to fill my time...I'd love to hear them!) I know it is not going to be easy.  I know the hormones are going to be raging making me more of an emotional mess than usual.  I know my belly is going to be huge and sore.  But I really want to enjoy the process, stay positive and try not to complain.  

Because in the end, I pray it will be all worth it when I am holding my baby in my arms!  


  1. Stopping in from ICLW. I look forward to following your journey and I hope this IVF falls into your best case scenario! Best of luck, sending lots of good luck and vibes!

  2. I'm hoping for the best case scenario. Wishing you nothing but smooth sailing in the weeks to come and good news at the end of this cycle!

  3. Don't lose hope and pray fervently. I also have a friend who was trying to conceive for about 10 years, and they did bore a son. She believed that strong faith and the therapist's hands helped her conceive.

  4. Thinking of you and hoping for the best case scenario! I'm so excited that you guys are moving forward. Hope the meds are treating you well so far!

  5. Thinking of you! And praying God will be with you two every step of the way

  6. (Hugs) So excited you and Dh talked and are moving forward together. I wish you both all the best through this process. Sending you lots and lots of sticky baby dust, as well as lots of positive vibes and strength to get you through the next 5 weeks. You can do this girl!

  7. I'm So SO SOOOO excited to read your update. WOOOHOO! Let's get this party going.
    Glad that you have committed to getting through this process as grounded as possible. I think that despite the anxiety, it is possible to go through IVF with a measure of calm and well being.
    I've got all my fingers crossed for you, JJ.

  8. Hi from ICLW. Wishing you the success on this IVF!

  9. Stopping by from ICLW, sending lots of good vibes your way for a best case scenario.

  10. Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog! Maybe you've already written about this, but why is your hubby against IVF? If you end up with some frozen embryos, would you and your hubby consider a FET cycle? I'm entering into my first FET cycle myself.

    As far as a good book to help pass the time, I usually read the classics, but right now I'm reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Not the most well-written books but entertaining enough.

    Good luck with your IVF!


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