The Two Week Wait

Last weekend I finished up a book called "The Two Week Wait" by Sarah Rayner.  It's a book I randomly picked up a few weeks ago while shopping at Target.    Like I'm sure many of you, I've read multiple non-fiction infertility/boost your fertility/become one with your fertility books, but never a novel about it.

It's a story of two couples who are in different stages of their journey to have a child...one due to infertility and the other due to being in a same-sex relationship.  I'll be honest, it was a bit of an impulse purchase, as I was just certain it wouldn't be very realistic and probably end up just ticking me off as a happily-ever-after, everyone gets pregnant on their first try, sort of book.  

It started off slowly, and I was struggling to pick it up.  Then last Sunday night I couldn't sleep, so I decided to pick it up...and didn't stop reading until 3 hours later (1 a.m.) when I could finally put it down because I finished it.  

I won't give away the plot line, but it took me back to the processes and emotions of doing IVF and going through infertility treatments. It was pretty darn realistic!    I can honestly say I laughed and I cried, while cheering these two couples on through their journey.  At times it was tough to read because of my own emotions and memories it brought up.  But I'm really glad I persevered to the end.  
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Thanks for all of your comments on my last post and the strange comments that had been made to me recently.  I know that neither of them meant to be hurtful or uncomfortable.  The woman I work with is really just socially challenged, so often says really awkward things.  I'm not sure what the motive was behind the comment from my friend who told me that as soon as another friend of hers announced her pregnancy, she miscarried.  My friend has 2 grown children of her own, so not sure what was going on there.  Probably just didn't think about it before she said it.  
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New blog post at my pregnancy blog:  http://twinklelittlestar2013.blogspot.com/

Have a great week everyone!

Did They Really Say That?

We've all had those moments -- the ones where you want to look at someone and say "really, did you just say that?"  You know, the insensitive comments about just relaxing, just adopting, just, just, just.  I sort of wish I had kept a journal of all of the comments I've heard over the last 6 years of this journey.  

As we've been sharing the news of our pregnancy over the last few weeks, 99% of the comments have been wonderful, with people saying how they prayed for this for us, tears, screeches, and so on.  It's truly been amazing.  But there have also been some comments that have really just made me go...."hmmmmmmm"

I recently had lunch with a friend I met through volunteer activities.  After I told her my news, she said "the last person I know who announced their pregnancy had a miscarriage soon after."  Um, okay, is that supposed to make me scared shitless?  I was hoping for a bit more...um...excitement or positivity.  Thanks...now I'm not so hungry anymore.  

At work we have a morning meeting 4 days a week, so I made my announcement there.  Someone who wasn't in the meeting came to my office later to congratulate me.  (A little background -- this woman and I are NOT close and I limit my interactions with her because she will talk forever.  I have also been very quiet about our journey at work).  The first question out of her mouth was -- "was this planned or a surprise?"  I became speechless over that question because I didn't expect it.  I simply replied "planned, definitely planned."  though I wanted to say "none of your dang business!"

She goes on to tell me about her niece, who planned her wedding around when she would ovulate (really -- people do that?), but did not factor into the mix that the stress of planning the wedding, might throw off her cycle a tad.  So her niece was disappointed when she didn't come back from her perfectly timed honeymoon pregnant, and went to the doctor and cried about it.  The next month she became pregnant.  I replied "wow -- that's really great for her."  but what I was thinking was "I bet she's really glad you are talking about her reproductive life with a stranger, and seriously -- she went and cried to her doctor after a month of not becoming pregnant???"  

This same employee told me in the break room this week that people in the office were going to watch me just like the media was watching Princess Kate and her pregnancy fashions.  Ummmm....gee thanks...that's a bit creepy....but thanks.  I know she meant no harm by it, but still a bit creepy.  

My final favorite question has come up a lot, and I just find it strange.  When I share the news, a lot of people's first reaction is "is _________ (my hubby) excited?"   

So, what's the funniest, stupidest, most insensitive thing someone has said to you during your IF/pregnancy journey?  

The Difference of a Year

Happy 2013 everyone!  As I reflect on 2012, I am so thankful that I have joined the blogging community and have found this incredible network of women who are such a great support on the IF journey.  I know the holidays can be extremely tough during this time of year when dealing with IF, and there seems to be a lot of heartbreak going on right now with impending or recent miscarriages and failed cycles. There's also excitement around pending adoptions, new pregnancies and more.   Sending love to all of you!  

Hubby and I started trying to conceive in November 2006.  That's 6 new year celebrations hoping and praying for "this to be OUR year."  I remember last year being so bitter and angry on New Years Eve.  We always get together with a group of friends for dinner and then drinks and dessert to ring in the new year.  We had a couple of our friends staying at our house, and I remember the wife telling me early in the day how depressed she was because they had been trying to conceive for 5 months and they hadn't been able to.  Five. Whole. Months!  (By the way, they conceived the following cycle, and with their first child conceived on the first cycle)  She knew the journeys we had been through, yet still said this to me.   I honestly was breathing fire all day long.  I was pissy to my husband because he was drinking up a storm and having a good ole time, while I sipped on a drink and then moved to pop and water because "who knows -- this might be our month".  I was bitter that we were the only couple at our party who didn't have kids.  It was not a good scene and I was not a fun person to be around.  

This year we got to celebrate the new year by telling our friends we are pregnant.  We kept the announcement low key as we know how much it hurts to hear this news for some.  In fact  one of the couples at our party we don't see very often, and their reaction made me think of how I've reacted to pregnancy announcements over the years.  I now wonder if they are on this journey too.  

I'm hopeful and excited for 2013.  I believe this is the year we WILL become parents!  I'm overwhelmed at the thought of beginning to look for furniture, and moving everything out of our guest room and touring day care options.  I'm amazed at watching my belly expand and moving on to a new wardrobe.  I'm thrilled to not have to hide our news anymore and to have it out in the open and be able to talk about it.  I absolutely love being pregnant!  

However, I'm also scared.  I'm scared that something bad is going to happen.  I'm scared that   at my doctor's appointment this week, there won't be a heartbeat. I'm scared that my moods are going to cause friction in close relationships.   I just want to wrap my belly in bubble wrap for the next 6 months so no harm can be done.   A big piece of me will always be tied to this journey -- our infertility journey, and being pregnant does not take away that journey.  

I wish for all of you a year of dreams come true, successful cycles, take-home babies, matches for adoptions and most of all, happiness and peace.  Happy 2013.  

PS -- New blog post and pictures on my pregnancy blog.  I hope you will consider joining me there.   http://twinklelittlestar2013.blogspot.com/