But on the inside, I was saying "holy crap, I look sad and depressed???"
You see, I pride myself on being able to appear that I have it all together -- that everything is going my way, even when it is not. I've done this for years and years. I was a theatre minor in college for goodness sake...this is what I do...I'm a master of this. There have been many days I haven't felt like getting out of bed, but I always force myself to do so, and to put on a happy face to say "everything is a-okay."
But the truth is, everything isn't fine. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I hurt. I want to sleep ALL of the time. I don't want to be social. I'm not in a good place. I want a baby. I want to be pregnant. I want to be done with infertility. I want to have a good relationship with my husband again.
My psychiatric nurse practitioner has me trying a new anti-depressant -- Effexor. So I'm currently weening myself off of Zoloft and starting the Effexor. I don't think it is going well. She didn't think the Zoloft was doing enough for my irritability. I guess we will see.
A month or so ago I would have said I was anxious, not depressed. In fact I was having panic attacks on a regular basis. Now, I just feel sad, depressed, lonely. In a funk.
I know I will be okay eventually. That this feeling will pass. But for right now it sucks.
On a totally unrelated note, blogger won't let me comment on anyone's posts. Annoying.