July ICWL...Welcome!

Welcome to those visiting from ICWL for July.  I look forward to checking out your blogs and getting to know you better!

Hubby and I have been married for 7 years and trying to conceive for 5+ of that.  We have not been very aggressive with our treatments, and are *hoping* for that miracle.  We have lower than normal, but not horrible counts for him, and not so impressive AMH and FSH for me.  We have done 3 unsuccessful IUIs and multiple months of Clomid and Femara.  In September 2010 we were surprised to find out I was pregnant after my period started and them promptly stopped.  This was during a month of no treatments.  Unfortunately, it was short lived, and at 7 months I miscarried naturally the day of our first ultrasound.  

In January of this year, after much thought and deliberation, we decided to move forward with one round of IVF starting in May, however, two nights before I was to start the birth control pills, my husband decided he was no longer interested in proceeding with IVF.

We are now in couples therapy (and I continue individual therapy) and are making slow, but steady progress.  We have found a wonderful therapist (we had tried therapy a couple of years ago, but found a really great guy who promptly told us about how he and his wife got pregnant 2 months after they got married, even though they were older at the time).    I am hopeful we may look at IVF again, or move towards adoption.

Most of the time I wonder if we would be one of those couples who gets pregnant after we stop trying (since we've been pregnant before which we were told would never happen naturally).  Unfortunately, I don't know how to *stop* trying.  I don't know how to shut off all of the thoughts and feelings going through my head.

I am over 35 and believe strongly in alternative medications and treatment such as vitamins, chiropractic care, acupuncture, and just simple clean living.  I do not believe that numbers are destiny, and that they can in fact be changed for the positive.  I will not let numbers rule my life and I hate it when doctors treat them like they are a death sentence (i.e. just because my AMH was low and my FSH was slightly high ONCE, then there is no chance of us conceiving -- whatever!)

I don't know where this journey is leading us, but thanks for joining us!


  1. Hi from ICLW!

    I understand you about not knowing how to stop trying. I can't either, and I think that's why I could never live childfree. No matter how many awful things happen, eventually I get up and try again. One day, it has to result in something good for us right?

    ICLW #27

  2. Hi! I am currently on my first IVF cycle, 2nd day of stimming. I too had reservations when I was pondering IVF, so I understand your hubby and his reluctance in going through it. it's a big investment, not only $$$ but also emotionally. It's so hard to 'stop' trying, you're so on the money when you say you don't know how to stop, because I wouldn't either!

  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog and happy ICLW! :)

  4. Thank you for stopping by my sad little space on the internet. I promise it's not always that depressing! (Just mostly.)

    I don't know how to give up either. So I guess we just keep plodding along until we find our babies...

  5. Your story is one of great resilience, J.J. I hope that all the steps in your journey will soon lead you to want your heart so deeply wants, a little one in your arms. I more than hope for it, I believe it.

  6. Helloooooo from ICLW!

    Numbers are B.S. Just pure B.S. For every story there is about someone's numbers working against them there's someone who defeated 'odds'.

    At the moment I'm hippie-dippily convinced that a large part about this is our mental state and starting to believe the negative thoughts that seep in.

    Wishing you lots of clarity and good vibes, girl!

  7. Sending you good vibes. And I agree with Stupid Stork. Numbers are just numbers.

    An ICLW Visit from #63
    liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, 1st 2ww)

  8. Hi from ICLW. So sorry to hear about your long struggle. Numbers really are just numbers...I've seen so many people beat the odds they were given. I think most people, if they fight long enough, will see their dream come true, in one way or another. Wishing you the best!

  9. Numbers can only point you in a direction, they will never tell the whole story.

    ICLW #33

  10. Hello from ICLW! Wishing you all the best!

  11. Hi, I'm here from the August ICLW and wanted to say that I agree with you -- numbers should not rule our lives. It's how I practice medicine -- treat the patient, not the number! Good luck with everything.

  12. Hello from August ICLW. I totally understand that feeling of not being able to shut off the "trying." My husband and I just started a treatment break after our last unsuccessful treatment. I know we need a break but I still can't help but want to try. I am sending you lots of warm and positive thoughts as you decided what is next for you. Wishing you the best!!


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