8.23.2011

Why?

Why are we infertile? 
Why can a 16 year-old who isn't prepared at all for the world or  a drug addict  have a baby and I can't?
Why is infertility treatment so expensive, invasive and not covered by insurance?
Why are 1 in 8 couples dealing with infertility today when "back in the day" it was babies galore?
Why can't I stop being jealous of every pregnant woman I see?
Why do I live in constant fear that one of my co-workers and/or friends is going to annouce they are pregnant?
Why do I emotionally melt every time one of these announcements is made?
Why can't I get my mind off of this? 
Why can't I just relax about it? (cause we all know that will result in pregnancy)
Why do I have such a hard time talking about infertility with my hubby?
Why can't I bear the thought of us being on different courses with what we do next? (even though I know deep down that we are)
Why does my period seem to play with me every month recently with a few days of spotting and then, just when I've convinced myself that it could be implanatation bleeding, does it start full force?
Why do people ask stupid questions or say stupid things around me in regards to pregnancy, babies and infertility?
Why do I answer "I'm fine" when people ask, when I am really not?
Why is having a baby so easy for some people and so hard for others?
Why can't I control this? 
Why can't I control my emotions?
Why can't I believe it will "just happen" like my husband does? (especially since it happened once)
Why do I bury myself in my work to "avoid" thinking about it?
Why did I have a miscarriage?
Why is adoption so expensive and so risky?
Why can't I have my "take home baby"?
Why do I sometimes think God is sending me a sign that I shouldn't have kids?
Why did I have to grow up without a mom and now I can't be a mom?
Why isn't there a guidebook for this?
Why am I so impatient?
Why can't I know all of the answers?
Why does being infertile take most of the fun out of having sex?
When I talk about infertility, why does everyone say "you would be a great mom!"? 
Why am I mad at God about this?
Why am I mad at everyone and everything about this?
Why can't I be happy with what I DO have, instead of focusing on the sadness of what I don't have?
Why do doctors pressure you into treatment so quickly without looking at the root cause(s)?
Why doesn't someone tell me what we should do, so I don't have to make the decision?
Why do I feel so stuck?

Why?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Why? 

Why me?  Why us?


4 comments:

  1. I have asked myself most of these questions many times! I so so so feel your pain!

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  2. Wow I could have written this, you are spot on with how I feel. I wish I had some answers for you, but in truth infertility is a cruel, heartbreaking roller coaster. There is that light at the end of the tunnel, but it seems like there are so many obstacles between me and it. I know we will both get our rainbow babies soon, some days are just way harder than others. (Hugs)

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  3. I've asked so many of those questions so many times. I wish there were answers.

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  4. Wow I've been told I would be a great mom sooo many times... GAH! You know what? I DO think I would be a great mom!!!! I mean not to brag or boast or anything... But seriously?! If I didn't think I would make a good mom... Why am I trying so hard to become a mom in the first place?

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