Some Days You Just Can't Get Away From It...

And on days like today, I could only laugh...because if I didn't, I would have cried.

Husband and I went out to a local lake this morning to go sailing.  As we are out there, we run into a gentleman in a kayak and he starts asking us about sailing. It was a nice conversation.   Pretty soon, another kayaker (lady) comes up and the 2 kayakers realize they know each other.  As we start to float away from them, I hear the her ask him about his wedding and then hear him state that he is soon going to be the father of twin boys.  For the next five minutes as we float further and further away, I continue to hear their conversation about their names, how far along they are, how big they are, and on and on and on.  I guess it's not safe to even go sailing with my husband anymore.  Who knew?

Afterwards we were hungry so we stopped by a local restaurant for lunch. As we were sitting on the patio, I see a man and two women walk up to the restaurant -- it appears to be a couple and one of their moms.  And yep, the woman in the couple is pregnant.  I figure they will come out to the patio too...and 2 minutes later, there they are, sitting at the table next to us, giant belly and all.  Figures.

Later this afternoon we needed to pick up some supplies at a local hardware store, and then I needed one more ingredient for something to make for work, so decided to stop by the dreaded Wal-Mart.  Not shocking that nearly every other woman in the store was pregnant...

I may just stay in the house from now on.
On Friday I saw my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner for a med check.  I've been on anti-depressants for many years, but have just in the last year moved away from my family doctor for this purpose.  The person I see is pretty straight laced so I had to chuckle a bit when she went through the usual litany of questions -- "are you involved in social activities?"  "are you suicidal?"  "are you homicidal?" -- and with that she gave me a little smile.  And I chuckled a bit, which felt good, as I don't seem to do that much anymore.

What I appreciated most was that she told me her personal story -- not about infertility, but about how her husband also changed his mind regarding how to have children/if to have children during their marriage.  Sadly it made me connect to her more.

Thankfully she was also able to give me something for the panic/anxiety attacks that I seem to be having on nearly a daily basis anymore.  Unfortunately, the pharmacy wasn't able to fill it on Friday, so I still don't have it yet...but am hopeful for some relief.  


  1. The days where everywhere you seem to turn, you are assaulted with the signs of everyone's life going in a wonderful, fertile direction are the WORST. I'm really sorry that your lovely Sunday got hijacked by all these awful reminders.
    Hoping the meds help with your anxiety attacks. Thinking of you, JJ.

  2. I understand where you are coming from 110%. It seems somedays, everywhere I look or go, there is someone pregnant or people talking about pregnancies non-stop. Its so hard those days to feel hopeful about this crappy journey we're on. Some days, I think staying home is much safer for our emotions.

    Glad your getting the meds needed. I am on the antidepressants too... I also have emergency pills, but haven't had to use them yet.

    I'm praying for you.


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