Tomorrow (Thursday) is husband and my's counseling appointment....which will hopefully help us start to work through what happened 5 weeks ago (the halting of our first IVF cycle) and determine what happens next.  I follow that with my individual counseling session with my regular therapist, who just happens to be at the same office.

I'm not going to lie...I'm a little freaked out about this.  I know it will be good to talk it out with someone, but I'm scared of the outcome and what decisions will likely need to be made.

My emotions have gone from feeling numb to pretty much crying about every little thing.  It's not pretty.

Any prayers and/or thoughts you can send my way tomorrow would be appreciated!


  1. Thoughts being sent. Hugs hun x x x

  2. I've been a bad blogger and haven't been keeping up with reading and commenting. I'm all caught up on what's going on with you now, and I'm so sorry I didn't read about it earlier! Husbands are a complicated breed, difficult to read and know what's going on inside their heads. I think it's really good that you're seeing a counselor together. I really hope the appointment goes well tomorrow. I think it's good you have an individual appointment after too - you'll have immediate support available to you. I'm sorry to read about your anxiety and panic attacks as well. IF brought those on for me, and I've been amazed at how many IF bloggers go through that as well. It's a horrible thing to go through. I'm sending you tons of cyber hugs and will be thinking about you tomorrow.

  3. I'm really glad you and your husband will have a safe space to talk about what you both want going forward. As scary as it is right now, it will be so helpful to clarify where you each stand. I really hope that the appointment can be the start of a good process for both of you.
    This is REALLY hard stuff. It's so wise that you are getting help from therapists.
    Take good care of yourself, dear woman.

  4. (Hugs) I am wishing you all the best today as you and your husband go to your couseling session, and as you go to your own individual appt. I know it can't be easy, and trust me, I know infertility is a huge emotional rollercoaster on a marriage. Our marriage has had its ups and downs as well, and we've had our share of arguments, and its not been pretty. Infertility can bring out the best and the worst in people, and after almost four years of dealing with it I finally had to talk to my doctor and ask for antidepressants. I can e-mail you with more details, but just know I can understand what you are going through, and its part of why I've been so vague on my blog lately. Like the above commenter said, as difficult as it is to talk about, not knowing where it could lead to, it's better to get it all out know and start the healing process. (Big hugs). Wishing you all the best.

  5. You had commented on my blog about cilantro. We always plant it from seeds and it does great. Hope your counseling session went well. I just started following so need to catch up on what's been going on.

    1. Thanks for the tips on the cilantro -- hadn't ever thought of starting from seeds.

  6. Oh, I am so so sorry. I hope whatever you and your husband decide to do, you can both be at peace with this decision. Thinking of you xoxo

  7. Ok I lied, I can't figure out how to follow your blog.


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